Schizophrenia

Christmas lights. Lights. Everywhere but inside me. I look around,it's stiff and tough. I'm sick,so sick and I'm screaming bloody murder. Damn your eyes for making my heart melt into the ground. There's no one there to gather its liquid. Who am I to long for such fate? Fate? That poor thing,blamed for everything. I gotta stand up,or at least convince someone to do it for me. Blast !

I'm tired,but I'm not doing anything. I'm just picking up pieces of myself from different corners of this city. I'm all drunk and mental. Memories. I'm just lighting up cigarettes in lack of alcohol with antibiotics. They're not solving anything.

Bathroom. Hot water. Bubbles. Sharp needles. Blood.

What's that? It must be music. Do you know a synonym for this? It's magic. Why magic? Because you play it,in every way you can and it makes you go crazy,scream,die,float or even... Music is...pain. Teardrop. Blurry eyes.

Hahaha. What makes you think that I'm..haha..feeling bad? Oh honey,look at me,I'm not even crying. It's ok,shhh.. What? You wanna..hahahahaha..make it up to me? Dearly beloved,you're so silly. See this knife? I will stick it deep down your chest so you could feel it. It's all your fault,you little bitch. Don't scream at me you piece of shit,let your blood flow into the ground. Maybe all the flowers in the world will fade away,because you're that poisoned. Hahahaha !

I..I have no words to explain. Probably..happiness it's not meant to be. I'm always dragging myself,and after I just put myself back on my feet,I fall off again. Who am I kidding? I try to do the right things and refrain from the bad things every time. And guess what? It always goes wrong. I'm good to people,I help them with the little amount of force that I've gathered inside,and they still hurt me. I don't trust anyone anymore. I am constantly torn between killing myself and killing everyone around me. I tried everything I could,I ran all the miles and did all the good deeds. I still don't have the knowledge to fly.